I’m sitting here…working and watching a movie. The movie? The Perfect Match. I don’t know why I do this to myself. I know if I watch these types of movies, I fall victim to the feeling thereof. Being single sometimes have its ups, but there are times when you have those downs. Right now….it’s down.
I’m not in a relationship, but when I was I have always felt that the love was unrealistic. Maybe because at the time I really didn’t love myself. I didn’t know how to love myself. So, I was searching for something that was never really there. And time after time, I would fall victim to the same type of person.
The User: The one who comes around when I am only able to give something. Be it money or sex.
The Taker: Yes, there is a difference. The Taker only takes and NEVER give anything in return. He always has an excuse on why he can’t get you a birthday present, or take you out for dinner. At least the User knows he has to give up something every now and then to continue to get what he wants.
The Non-Commitment: Wants everything, will give more…just not himself to you. But the strange part is the Non-Commitment has a jealousy streak and don’t want you to be with anyone. So he blocks any and all prospects that come along. Until he decides that he will move on. Without you.
There are other types. Believe me….so much more. These are the types I have run into. But in the end, it all boils down, to not loving yourself and accepting these types. I haven’t been in a relationship for nearly ten years. WoW!. Just the thought. That’s a long time. And let me tell you, I love being in a relationship. I love taking care of someone. It’s just my nature. A lot of people have the assumption that the reason I am not in a relationship is because of religious reasons. So far from the truth. I am not a religious person. The reason I’m not is because I started to love myself. One of the steps to loving you….let go of bad habits that inhibit you from growth. Dating the wrong type of man was mine.
But, I sit and watch these “Unrealistic” love movies and it touches my heart every time. I want a love who loves me and only me. Who will fight for me….Who will not give up as soon as trouble comes along….A Love that looks me in the eyes as if he just met me….A Love that takes me by the hand and walks with me….A Love who sits me besides his knee and rubs my head and feeds me. But….again….”Unrealistic”. It only happens in movies. At least not in my life.
I have decided to really start dating. (As soon as someone asks.) My friends say that I need to be more open. Okay. I will. I now LOVE me, so what I accepted before, I can’t now. So, maybe, this time, will be different.
Stay Tune…….I’m Just Sayin.
“All you need is love.” John Lennon