Why I Need A Man

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I really dislike it when women say,
“I am a vigorous and independent woman,
and I don’t need a man. I can do this by myself.”
With the hand, head and body gestures along with it.
Come on….for real?
Now, I can’t speak for all women, but I can speak for myself.
I may WANT a man, but I NEED a man as well.
I need him to hold me, to kiss me, to tell me everything will be okay.
I need him to say I’m sorry.
I need him to say you owe me an apology.
I need him to stand his ground and have that every right to know that I
will be there by his side.
I need him to hold my hand, caress my face, look lovingly into my brown
eyes, letting me know that I am safe.
I need him to know that we are in this together, rich or poor.
I need him to fill my mind, body, and soul with nourishment & truth.
I need him…..I need his LOVE.
Always LOVE

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Fear of Rejection

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What makes it so damn hard to tell someone, “I like you. I would like to have more conversations with you. I want to spend time with you. After so many years of not being with anyone, I want you to be the one to make love to me.” I would think, when you get to a certain age, saying what you want would be easy. But when it comes to the affairs or imaginary affairs of the heart, there are no rules. It doesn’t become more comfortable. Actually, it becomes harder.

I guess, for me, it’s fear. Too many concerns. But, the main worry for me would be rejection. But, doesn’t everyone have that fear? The fear of releasing your words to a person you have come to love (they don’t know it though) and they REJECT you. Of course, you, me will get over it. Eventually. But, it’s that one time fear you still have to hurdle. For many of us, we need to hear the rejection so that we can move on. Proceed to the next rejection or learn from the rejection and move on to a solid love. However, the hard words must still come out to get the rejection or acceptance.

Whatever the case may be, I need to release (in more ways than just one), and eventually, I will need to say the words so that I can move on to a healthy life. A life filled with non-rejection, more talks, more love, and much-needed sex. That latter is a whole blog for me itself. Stay tuned.

Always LOVE

What Am I Waiting For?

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Talking with a friend the other day, and he asked a question I really haven’t given much thought to lately or not at all. But over the last couple of days, I had to seriously ask myself the question.

What am I waiting for?

Here’s what I know.

When you give up something, even if it is temporary, most of the time you do so for growth…for the betterment of you. I had given up something…to find me. At the time, I found that my past was colliding with the present, which made my future look pretty sad. I was on a spiral staircase going down, with no sight of a base, and I  knew I had to make changes to my life.

Now, my one change was not meant to be permanent but it appears…as of the present…it’s heading that way. What am I waiting for? I made the changes to my life and there are no complaints. I am solid. I know me. I am still learning…but at this point in my life, I know I am good.

#eyeswideopen #cantgoback #livingmydream

What am I waiting for?

When my friend asked the question, we were in the process if departing ways. Now I wish…I had stayed and really dove into “What am I waiting for?”. But…I think this is a question that I have to answer for myself….and this is what I know and have learned about me.

I can be open to pretty much anything…I just don’t like deceit, lies, betrayal and confrontation. Say how you feel upfront and move on from there.

I’m not fine crystal so speaking the truth, no matter how hard it is, will not break me. I have learned that not saying the truth will destroy a person more than save a person.

Don’t tell me you support me and there’s no proof from your actions. You can say all day that you support whatever I am doing, but just know that your actions are what is seen, not words.

Give me a choice, instead of making a choice for me. Because I now know me…I can make a decision that can fit me…even if it is on a temporary basis.

So, I guess I’m waiting for truth, honesty and support. I guess I am waiting for the someone to say, “Hey, let’s just have fun”. I’m waiting for someone to just be honest and say what it is, instead of pouring on lies. I posted a meme on IG and it said, ” I want someone who I can vibe with sexually, mentally and spiritually.” So, I am waiting for someone to feed me in more ways than just one. When you learn yourself, your appetite becomes a more tasteful and your discovered you, will not settle for less.

What am I waiting for?

I am waiting for someone to see it my way.

#willnotsettle

Always LOVE

 

 

Going Out…Coming In

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As each year begins…I start with goals. Not resolutions…but goals. Resolutions tend to be broken. Sometimes not taken seriously. It tends to be what others are doing. You can start them but the majority of the time, not finish them. Goals, on the other hand, keeps you focus on a plan that can help with your growth. Not a part of the masses, but personal. They are written, maintained and adjusted accordingly as growth is obtained.

2016.

I made goals to get back into acting, to have my online magazine in print, to travel more, to read more, to learn more about my heritage, and letting go of a ghost love and being open to the possibilities of love. I must say, through all the trials and tribulations I went through. I actually completed a lot of what I wanted to do, adjusting the plan as I moved along and clearly missing the mark at times.
The beginning of 2016 started well with my first award for my magazine, a possible reality show and more growth for my radio show. By the time April came and after my yearly trip to New York, things seemed to not be was told to me, and even though I sought out advice, who warned me to walk away, I still tried to make it right and it almost destroyed me. The devastation of lies and deceit brought me to my knees. I am a very private person, and try to keep things to myself. I learned through the years that everyone does not have my best interest at heart. So, I keep my personal life very private and only seek out advice from those who I really trust. What I put on social media is only what I want anyone to know. But, this time around, I was very happy to have the very few friends I do have, around me to help me through that very difficult time.
But…I have been through the worst. Molested, raped, homeless. I can get through this. And I did. One thing for sure. Once you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you and only you can pull yourself from the curb and back onto the sidewalk. Walking the opposite way of the masses, of course, because I am still different and have my own mind. I was down for a bit but I am back up and back to the grind.
Let’s see…I went o Dallas and reviewed my first play, and they are still asking me to come back. I have more content to the magazine, which now includes two websites, attended more events that got the magazine notice more and printed the first issue in December, which was such a big hit. I started reading more about African History, which has really open my eyes to a lot of what is going on today. The radio was doing well and then people started falling off, I had to cancel until February 2017, but to my surprise fans sending emails and inboxes wanting it back on and saying how much they enjoyed the show. Finally, cast in a play that will premiere in February. I did finally make the decision to let go of the ghost love. I had to…I was comparing anyone I meet to this person and it wasn’t fair to the prospects or to me. I still dream of him and will definitely he will always be in my heart. (It’s always that one, right?) But, I am ready to date and eventually have a relationship and get married, and have someone to share all the wonderful things that will happen with me.
2017.
My goals are to:
Increase the magazine readership.
Host and attend more events.
Learn more about my history.
Bring the radio show back and discuss issues that affect the Black Community.
When I travel, make time to interview Black Owned Businesses.
Be open to dating.
Pretty much same goals as last year. But, with a little more substance. Staying on track will be key. And remembering if I want it…it’s not going to come easy. There will be some hard times and road blocks. All I have to do is remember…Relax…Think it out…and I will get around it and over it. Just don’t give up.
Happy New Year!
Always LOVE

 

Support

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You never know, where you can get a lesson from, at any time or place…..

I was speaking with a Brother today, and listening on Facebook to another Brother, and they both gave me some lessons in OUR history that just totally had me wanting to know more. Now…I have a very few (very few) select that I follow and learn from as well. But it is totally different when you sit and listen to words as one speaks of OUR history, of our communities, of US.

I am like a sponge, soaking in all that I am learning.

I am like an infant, taking that first step and amazed at all that is new on my journey as I move forward.

We have some Brothers out there that’s really for US. They want to see US get better and OUR communities to be more than..not of how others see US, but how WE see ourselves.

We need to stand up and stand behind these individuals. NO. They don’t play ball, act in movies, head up big churches. They are the men who have realized that by not standing up, OUR next generation doesn’t have a chance. These men need us to stand behind them and be the support they need to fight this system for US. They will protect US. They just need to know that WE are there. That WE stand with them. That we support them.

I write and post a lot about LOVE, but I also post and share about the well being of OUR community. If you follow me. If you know me. Then you know that I always say, “Let’s Support Our Own”, and mean that from the bottom of my heart. And try to show it every chance I get. Now even though I post a lot about LOVE, that’s just a part of me that will always be there, and no, I don’t need approvement from anyone. I approve myself. I have accepted my fate when it comes to being loved or not. But, what I can not and will not accept…is the future of my next generation. My grandchildren. My great-grandchildren.

Work must be done, and I support those who are out there on the behalf of me and the generations to come. I have said this before and will say it again. “We are fighting two wars. Them against us and us against us. If you can’t be a part of the solution, then step aside and let the ones who are trying do what they need to do, so YOU can live in a world that is truly FREE.”

Learn your history. It’s there.

Always LOVE

#eyesopened #stand #support

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Love’s Ownership

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I did it to myself.
No help from you.
But unknowingly you did.
By being you.
I fell.
I see your strength.
I see your weakness.
I smell your scent.
I feel your touch.
I fell.
You keep me straight.
You keep me honest.
You keep me prepared.
I care what you think.
I did it to myself.
No help from you.
But unknowingly you did.
By being you.
I fell.
Faithful to you.
No need to be.
You and I will never be.
Dreams tell me to hold on.
Then I will be able to breathe.
Knowing you will be by my side.
I fell.
Love your eyes.
Love your smile.
Love your mind.
Love your soul.
Just wish I could peek at your heart.
I did it to myself.
No help from you.
But unknowingly you did.
By being you.
I fell in LOVE.

Right There

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Why are you in my dreams? Why are you there? I already know that it will never be. But you keep showing up….giving hope….giving encouragement….giving me love. You are there. In my dreams. Smiling. Being you. As you are in life. And I take you just as you are. You are there…not letting me go another way. You keep me on a good path. You keep me honest. You keep me…Why are you there?

I guess the real question is….Why can’t I let go? But then it’s goes back to…dreams. You are there. Not letting me move on. I know should. I know have to. Just when I say I am. I am moving on. You come back. I feel your touch. I smell your scent. You grab my heart. Why are you there?

I wish I can blame this on encouragement from you. And maybe I can. You may never say a word. But, I know you see me. I know you watch me. Am I in your dreams? Am I there? Sometimes, when I’m around you…your eyes say, “Yes”…I am there. Right there. But, then the moment passes and neither one says a word. I smile. You smile. I know I am there.

I know. Move on. But you are there. Right there. Inside. You have made a home right there in my heart. The only way to move on is to say the words. To hear the words. Then…I can move on. Move on to the realization that you are just like my dreams. Or…..move on and let you take a small residence in my heart in remembrance of you.

Either way….You will forever be there. Right there.love-will-come-kevin-wak-williams

Always LOVE